i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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