My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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