like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize