They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
