Can i not drive my cunt home
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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