There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
