I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
