OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
