Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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