Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
