So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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