Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
