I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
