I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
