he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
