god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
