i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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