Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
