in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
