I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
