OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
