I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
