i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize