She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
