Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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