i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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