Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
