I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
