no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
