I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
