So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
