i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
