so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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