Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up under a house in Key West
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