new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
