One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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