Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
tell me about the eggs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
