I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
