do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
