i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
