Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
