As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We are two peas in an std pod
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
