She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Come see our sink grown plant.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
