I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
