i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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