my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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