hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
