I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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