i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
