I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
