I'm really into asian looking animals
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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