distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
