Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
