my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
