Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize