After last night, I could never be a politician.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
