Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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