turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize