She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
