Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think i have two assholes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
