They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
