he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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