Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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