I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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